Feelings of unworthiness – A letter to myself.

feelings of unworthiness

I read the question last week: What difficulties do you feel ashamed of and are uncomfortable talking about with others? As I believe we should all not be afraid to openly share our mental difficulties, I will dive into my feelings of unworthiness in the following paragraphs.

Feelings of unworthiness

Facing the uncomfortable

I am ashamed of my addiction to anything that distracts me from my negative thoughts and feelings. I often tend to run away from negative feelings and thoughts and I do this in many different ways. Whether it’s substances, my smartphone or new information that I consume to distract myself.

Why is it so difficult to leave destructive behaviour behind? What is behind this unpleasant state? Where does this addiction to distraction come from?

I keep finding myself in a thought pattern that is not good for me. I stress myself too much, I’m always too hard on myself. I can’t appreciate my achievements, I can’t appreciate myself. Whether it was my bachelor’s thesis in which I got a great grade or, as is the case right now, I’ve completely turned my life around within 12 months and I’m now doing exactly what I couldn’t even have dreamed of a year ago. I’m never really happy with myself. I very rarely manage to be proud of myself and treat myself the way I treat everyone else in my life. It’s pure self-sabotage. I am simply controlled by my unconscious beliefs: I am not enough. I don’t deserve to be loved. (Of course not all the time, I already made a lot of progress and I can say I love myself now. But we are talking about my shadow right now and if I am honest with myself and with you, I have to admit that I am still struggling a lot with self-worth issues, overthinking and depressive episodes.)

Navigating the Inner World

Integrating gratitude and self-love into my everyday life is a neverending task for me. Nevertheless, I keep slipping into unconscious thought patterns in which I take on the role of a punisher who is far too perfectionist and for whom I am never enough. I make my own life difficult and I am the only reason why I can’t say that I am perfectly happy right now.

I’ve really had enough of this constant inner battle. I’m currently working with my inner child again and doing some shadow work with an online course from DailyOM, which is about accessing my spiritual masculine energy. The aim is to be loving and supportive of myself in the future, and to have confidence in my present and future.

In the course, I started to learn about the archetype of the father to let go of the feelings of not being worthy of love.

The Role of the Father Archetype

The father archetype is a force that provides security and protection, guidance and direction and organises our world in a way that helps us to create meaning. When we feel insecure, aimless and confused about our place in the world, we suffer from a lack of clear and grounded masculine energy.

For generations, our fathers have been disconnected from sacred masculine principles. The lack of an empowered father figure (connected to one’s spiritual energy) in our early years causes a wound and creates a void that longs to be filled.

This void cannot be filled by materialistic things. It must first be truly felt. Where is this feeling of unworthiness coming from? What is the cause of it?

Healing Through Feeling

To learn how to heal as adults, we need to improve our ability to recognise, accept and feel what has caused us pain.

Developing this ability begins with recognising our emotions and permitting ourselves to feel them without identifying with them.

Showing ourselves love and compassion is an important first step on the path to healing. I am giving myself time and space to acknowledge and accept the specific ways in which I have experienced the pain and trauma, and to name what I need now to detach from these feelings and connect with my inner strength.

I want to encourage you to do the same with this text because it is important to pay attention to these shadow sides of yourself and integrate them. Otherwise, the same patterns will appear over and over again in your life until they are finally recognised and seen by you.

Feel free to share in the comments and as a private message your feelings and thoughts that came up while you were reading this.

It’s the first step to recognising your inner space and sharing it with others.

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